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Bossypants
2011
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From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon, comedian Tina Fey reveals all, and proves that you're no one until someone calls you bossy. - (Baker & Taylor)

The breakout star of "Saturday Night Live" and "30 Rock" gives a humorous account of her life, as well as behind-the-scenes stories from her hit shows. - (Baker & Taylor)

The breakout star of Saturday Night Live and Thirty Rock gives a humorous account of her life, as well as behind-the-scenes stories from her hit shows. 1 million first printing. - (Baker & Taylor)

Spirited and whip-smart, these laugh-out-loud autobiographical essays are "a masterpiece" from the Emmy Award-winning actress and comedy writer known for 30 Rock, Mean Girls, and SNL" (Sunday Telegraph).

Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV.

She has seen both these dreams come true.

At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence.

Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy.

Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake!
- (Grand Central Pub)

Spirited and whip-smart, these laugh-out-loud autobiographical essays are "a masterpiece" from the Emmy Award-winning actress and comedy writer known for 30 Rock, Mean Girls, and SNL (Sunday Telegraph).

Before Liz Lemon, before "Weekend Update," before "Sarah Palin," Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: a recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV.

She has seen both these dreams come true.

At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live; from her passionately halfhearted pursuit of physical beauty to her life as a mother eating things off the floor; from her one-sided college romance to her nearly fatal honeymoon -- from the beginning of this paragraph to this final sentence.

Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: you're no one until someone calls you bossy.

(Includes Special, Never-Before-Solicited Opinions on Breastfeeding, Princesses, Photoshop, the Electoral Process, and Italian Rum Cake!)
- (Hachette Book Group)

Author Biography

Tina Fey lives in Denver with her ferret, Jacoby.
- (Grand Central Pub)

Tina Fey lives in Denver with her ferret, Jacoby. - (Hachette Book Group)

First Chapter or Excerpt

Bossypants


By Fey, Tina

Reagan Arthur Books

Copyright © 2011 Fey, Tina
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780316056861

Origin Story

My brother is eight years older than I am. I was a big surprise. A wonderful surprise, my mom would be quick to tell you. Although having a baby at forty is a commonplace fool’s errand these days, back in 1970 it was pretty unheard-of. Women around my mom’s office referred to her pregnancy as “Mrs. Fey and her change-of-life baby.” When I was born I was fussed over and doted on, and my brother has always looked out for me like a third parent.

The day before I started kindergarten, my parents took me to the school to meet the teacher. My mom had taken my favorite blanket and stitched my initials into it for nap time, just like she’d done for my brother eight years earlier. At the teacher conference my dad tried to give my nap time blanket to the teacher, and she just smiled and said, “Oh, we don’t do that anymore.” That’s when I realized I had old parents. I’ve been worried about them ever since.

While my parents talked to the teacher, I was sent to a table to do coloring. I was introduced to a Greek boy named Alex whose mom was next in line to meet with the teacher. We colored together in silence. I was so used to being praised and encouraged that when I finished my drawing I held it up to show Alex, who immediately ripped it in half. I didn’t have the language to express my feelings then, but my thoughts were something like “Oh, it’s like that, motherfucker? Got it.” Mrs. Fey’s change-of-life baby had entered the real world.

During the spring semester of kindergarten, I was slashed in the face by a stranger in the alley behind my house. Don’t worry. I’m not going to lay out the grisly details for you like a sweeps episode of Dateline. I only bring it up to explain why I’m not going to talk about it.

I’ve always been able to tell a lot about people by whether they ask me about my scar. Most people never ask, but if it comes up naturally somehow and I offer up the story, they are quite interested. Some people are just dumb: “Did a cat scratch you?” God bless. Those sweet dumdums I never mind. Sometimes it is a fun sociology litmus test, like when my friend Ricky asked me, “Did they ever catch the black guy that did that to you?” Hmmm. It was not a black guy, Ricky, and I never said it was.

Then there’s another sort of person who thinks it makes them seem brave or sensitive or wonderfully direct to ask me about it right away. They ask with quiet, feigned empathy, “How did you get your scar?” The grossest move is when they say they’re only curious because “it’s so beautiful.” Ugh. Disgusting. They might as well walk up and say, “May I be amazing at you?” To these folks let me be clear. I’m not interested in acting out a TV movie with you where you befriend a girl with a scar. An Oscar-y Spielberg movie where I play a mean German with a scar? Yes.

My whole life, people who ask about my scar within one week of knowing me have invariably turned out to be egomaniacs of average intelligence or less. And egomaniacs of average intelligence or less often end up in the field of TV journalism. So, you see, if I tell the whole story here, then I will be asked about it over and over by the hosts of Access Movietown and Entertainment Forever for the rest of my short-lived career.

But I will tell you this: My scar was a miniature form of celebrity. Kids knew who I was because of it. Lots of people liked to claim they were there when it happened. I was there. I saw it. Crazy Mike did it!

Adults were kind to me because of it. Aunts and family friends gave me Easter candy and oversize Hershey’s Kisses long after I was too old for presents. I was made to feel special.

What should have shut me down and made me feel “less than” ended up giving me an inflated sense of self. It wasn’t until years later, maybe not until I was writing this book, that I realized people weren’t making a fuss over me because I was some incredible beauty or genius; they were making a fuss over me to compensate for my being slashed.

I accepted all the attention at face value and proceeded through life as if I really were extraordinary. I guess what I’m saying is, this has all been a wonderful misunderstanding. And I shall keep these Golden Globes, every last one!



Continues...

Excerpted from Bossypants by Fey, Tina Copyright © 2011 by Fey, Tina. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Trade Reviews

Booklist Reviews

*Starred Review* Don't judge a book by its cover, or then again, maybe, in this case, do. Fey herself, hair gracefully blowing, perfectly made-up face resting on her . . . undeniably belonging-to-a-man arms. Of her many talents, perhaps the utmost is the ability to be funny both when condemning her morning breath (which, these days, she claims, "smells like a snail left in the sun") and slyly tapping hot-button political and feminist issues on the shoulder. This smartly written, satisfying compilation of essays is a delightful mishmash (a few stories have recently run in the New Yorker) of depictions of Fey as a child, on her honeymoon, as a chubby coed, and spending long days and nights in the real 30 Rock. Fey provides lots of script excerpts and insider info that TV fans will find interesting, such as the formerly unknown "male comedy writers pee in cups in their offices" phenomenon, but there isn't really a bad apple in the bunch. Fey presents an earnest showcase of praise for fellow writers and comedians and for Sarah Palin's hairstylist. Fey has fearlessly clambered her way up the ranks of a man's world. But sigh not! This famously normal and fabulously talented celebrity still puts on her bossypants one leg at a time. Copyright 2011 Booklist Reviews.

Library Journal Reviews

In this big biggie, as the publicist puts it, Fey doesn't give a blow-by-blow account of her life but reflects on the joys (ha, ha) of balancing work, marriage, and motherhood. Watch her agonize drolly over finding the perfect beauty routine and embodying Sarah Palin. Be prepared to buy a couple; with a big national tour.

[Page 46]. (c) Copyright 2010. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Table of Contents

Introduction 3(4)
Origin Story
7(4)
Growing Up and Liking It
11(8)
All Girls Must Be Everything
19(8)
Delaware County Summer Showtime!
27(18)
That's Don Fey
45(12)
Climbing Old Rag Mountain
57(10)
Young Men's Christian Association
67(14)
The Windy City, Full of Meat
81(8)
My Honeymoon, or A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again Either
89(14)
The Secrets of Mommy's Beauty
103(12)
Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny
115(2)
Remembrances of Being a Little Bit Fat
117(2)
A Childhood Dream, Realized
119(14)
Peeing in Jars with Boys
133(10)
I Don't Care If You Like It
143(4)
Amazing, Gorgeous, Not Like That
147(16)
Dear Internet
163(6)
30 Rock: An Experiment to Confuse Your Grandparents
169(28)
Sarah, Oprah, and Captain Hook
197(40)
There's a Drunk Midget in My House
237(8)
A Celebrity's Guide to Celebrating the Birth of Jesus
245(10)
Juggle This
255(6)
The Mother's Prayer for Its Daughter
261(4)
What Turning Forty Means to Me
265(2)
What Should I Do with My Last Five Minutes?
267(10)
Acknowledgments 277

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